


Just Can't Get It Right

by celeste9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Arguing, Character Study, Gen, Missing Scene, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: Poe's plan to work on repairing the Millennium Falcon on Kef Bir was also meant to distract him from his thoughts, but it wasn't working.(spoilers for TRoS)
Relationships: BB-8 & D-O & Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	Just Can't Get It Right

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Nashville.

“Well, I’m not Leia!”

“That’s for damn sure,” Finn shot back, and the words felt like a knife in Poe’s heart, twisting.

Furious and wounded, Poe watched Finn spin about and stalk away from him, and let him go. He wasn’t going to change Finn’s mind and right at this moment, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Let him get himself killed going after Rey if that’s what he wanted. Seemed like it was always what he wanted.

Poe would be sensible, fix the _Falcon._ The irony of him being the sensible one here wasn’t lost on him.

He turned to walk back down the hill to the ship. The repairs would have gone faster with help but Poe could do it on his own. He had BB-8 and that little cone-faced droid; he’d be fine. Chewbacca would be back soon with the additional parts he’d gone to Jannah’s crew for and then they would be set. No one knew the _Millennium Falcon_ better than Chewie, after all.

Poe just hoped he would have Finn and Rey to come with him when he was finished.

BB-8 burbled happily at him when he walked up the ramp into the ship but Poe couldn’t muster much more than a distracted, “Hey, buddy.”

The droid rolled after him, concerned and questioning, the tiny green droid following like a shadow. Poe idly wondered if BB-8 was planning on keeping it.

“Finn’s gone,” was all Poe gave him as explanation and set to work.

He needed the distraction nearly as much as he desperately needed the ship to fly again. Did Finn think he wasn’t worried, too? Did he think Poe didn’t care? He cared a hell of a lot that Rey was a kriffing idiot who couldn’t wait for help, who had to run off like a crazy person to probably get herself killed. He just knew that running after her, equally reckless and crazy, was more likely to get all of them killed rather than help her, and then who was gonna take down the First Order?

_Think of the bigger picture,_ Leia always told him, and Poe was trying. Damn, he was trying.

But not enough, apparently. _That’s for damn sure._

His hand slipped and he banged it painfully. BB-8 whistled in alarm and Cone-Face said, “Will you be needing attention?”

“It’s fine,” Poe said, shaking his hand out. Wasn’t as bad as his arm, at least.

“Humans have fragile bodies,” the droid said in its slightly quavering mechanical voice, and Poe murmured an agreement.

Fragile. It would be so easy for Rey to find herself crushed beneath a wave, for Finn to…

He shook his head to clear it. That wasn’t going to help anyone.

What would help was fixing this damn ship. The problem was that while starship maintenance was one of Poe’s time-honored avoidance and stress relief tactics, this time he found he was unable to clear his mind of the unpleasant thoughts he wanted to avoid.

He wasn’t Leia. He wasn’t trying to be, exactly, but he was trying to be the man she needed him to be. He was trying to lead, trying to temper his impulses, trying to shoulder the burden she bore in the Resistance. He had taken her lessons to heart and was trying to be more than just hotshot pilot Poe Dameron.

But how the hell was he supposed to when his closest friends kept secrets from him and wouldn’t take his advice nor listen to his directives? He was still commander, damn it, and Finn should listen to him.

Finn should trust him.

It hurt a little that Rey didn’t trust him, but it was easier to take than Finn.

After everything they had been through, Finn should know that he could count on Poe, that Poe would have his back, that Poe would always work for Finn’s best interests. He should know that, and yet somehow when Rey was involved it was like nothing they had ever done together mattered.

Poe wished he knew why he would never mean as much to Finn as Rey did.

Maybe that wasn’t entirely fair, but Poe was too angry to see past it. Whenever a choice arose, Finn always chose Rey.

_And you choose the Resistance,_ a voice inside Poe’s head said.

“That’s what I’m fucking here for,” Poe said aloud, earning puzzled inquiries from the droids. Glancing swiftly at BB-8, Poe said, “Talking to myself, buddy. Ignore me.”

“Are you suffering from mental instability?” Cone-Face asked, and Poe chuckled.

“Probably, yeah, actually.”

The droid spun in a small circle. “Do you need assistance?”

BB-8 interjected that Poe always needed assistance and that if he did right now, BB-8 would take care of it, and Poe patted his domed carapace before he could get too worked up.

“It’s okay, pal, no need to get territorial. I don’t need that kind of help. Okay?”

BB-8 watched him carefully and then beeped an affirmative.

“Let’s just finish these repairs,” Poe said, and the droids returned to work.

And Poe returned to his moody self-reflection.

_What would you have done, Leia?_ he wondered. Would she have been okay with Finn chasing after Rey straight into those waves? If she had been in Poe’s place, would she have gone with?

Poe didn’t know the answer to that. He also knew that the only thing that mattered was what he had chosen to do, because he couldn’t be Leia. He could only be himself, and that had to be enough.

He had thought it was enough.

He heard clanking and grumbling and knew it was Chewbacca; at least the repairs would go faster now. Then he could take the _Falcon_ and find Finn and Rey, whether they wanted his help or not.

Stars, he hoped they were okay.

Poe hauled himself upright to go chat with Chewie, make sure they were both thinking the same thing in terms of what still needed to be done. It was actually a better distraction than anything else so far, but unfortunately only momentary.

He went back to work, mind wandering again. He couldn’t seem to stay focused, when normally this sort of handiwork was easy to lose himself in. He loved getting absorbed in the inner workings of a ship. But now, his arm ached, which reminded him of getting shot, which reminded him of Finn, which reminded him of… everything else.

_That’s for damn sure._

“Kriff,” Poe swore under his breath.

He was going to figure this out. He always did. Fix the _Falcon,_ find his friends, go after the First Order. They might not realize it but they needed him, and he cared. Damn, he fucking cared.

Maybe that was why it was all so… annoying. It was so easy for Finn and Rey, with their heads huddled together, whispering, sharing everything. Poe had to be Commander Dameron as much as he was Poe, and even when it seemed that didn’t matter, because it wasn’t like Finn and Rey actually respected his authority much, it did matter. He couldn’t be open like them, free like them, and he couldn’t put what he wanted above what the Resistance needed. He couldn’t just go racing off without considering the wider consequences.

But it didn’t mean he didn’t care.

Poe scrubbed a hand over his face and BB-8 bumped up against his foot. Poe smiled weakly and said, “Think we’re just about finished up in here. Give me a minute, okay?”

He needed a minute.

Poe walked out of the _Falcon_ to stand beneath a darkening sky and saw Finn in front of him, clothes wet from the raging waters. For exactly one second Poe thought about turning back around but couldn’t at the utterly distraught expression on Finn’s face.

Poe was maybe still a little angry and hurt but he wasn’t a complete asshole. He walked closer to Finn, afraid of what he would say, afraid to ask about Rey.

But Finn just said, “She’s gone, Poe. She’s gone, and I don’t know where she went.”

So Poe reached out and Finn fell against him, squeezing him, tucking his face into Poe’s neck, and they stood there a long time.


End file.
